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WOULD YOU BE A LAMB AND NOT SMOKE? THANKS SO MUCH.

Who’s the first person you see when you roll into AT? It’s our new employee, Lauren Mardian:

She likes to wake and bake…muffins! In fact, she wanted to be a baker growing up. But she ended up taking the path of yeast resistance.

Her favorite food is a classic: spaghetti. She’s had octopus, too, with piave confetti. If she wants to get in good with our Operation Screaming Eagle team, she could try this efficiency-enhancing process improvement: spaghetti al polpo. (Combining the two foods results in a net time savings of 42.3 minutes. Plus, should she accidentally overcook the pasta, the rubbery tentacles of the octopus will still produce that delightful al dente mouth feel.)

Here’s something novel about our new hire: She’s a dues-paying member of the Eric Church Choir. (Editor’s note: Eric Church is not a house of worship or a faith community. He’s a country music singer. His fans are in the “choir.”)

Finally, Lauren doesn’t own a TV or computer. (At least that’s what she told our recruiter.) So, is she a fixture at barn-raisings? Or does she just do everything on her smartphone? We don’t know, but we’re looking forward to finding out.

Welcome, Lauren! We’ll have a seat while Mr. Ashton finishes his recap.

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