Stay on top of all the fascinating developments at Ashton Tiffany and the wild world of risk management.

New Honeybees Spreading Pollen

Yes, we’ve got three new employees. Let’s meet them now!

First, there’s Angelina Rivas.

Looks like she’s got her head in the clouds, right? She does. In fact, one of her pastimes is parasailing. It’s riskier than working a nail gun in a lumber mill next to an ICBM silo, but she loves the thrill.

What else does she like? “All music other than heavy metal,” she says. So, even Gheorghe Zamfir, master of the pan flute? Even “countrypolitan” singer Slim Whitman? Even Sigue Sigue Sputnik? Yes, yes, and oh my goodness yes.

Angie aspired to be an attorney growing up, but she ended up with us, working on claims. Trying to be accommodating, we’ve given her free rein to shout, “You’re out of order! You’re out of order! This whole claim file is out of order!” That’ll shake things up. (Attorney’s note: The claim files of Ashton Tiffany and its affiliates, partners, business associates, subsidiaries, overseas divisions, and franchisees are, in fact, never out of order.)

Next up is Mike Del Vecchio.

He says he’s got 51 years of experience…at being Mike Del Vecchio. This makes him the best Mike Del Vecchio one can imagine. (HR tells us that none of the other Mike Del Vecchio candidates even came close.)

Mike says his favorite food is, “All.” Yes, that’s a quote. So, does he eat laundry detergent? Or is he just ecumenical in his dining habits? Check back for updates.

Mike also wanted to share this belief with us: “Our purpose in life is to help others.” WOW. I really wish someone had mentioned this earlier, because I have been totally whiffing. But not Mike…he’s a good guy…a good man…and a great addition to Ashton Tiffany.

Finally, there’s Catie Bassett:

Favorite food? Spaghetti with garlic bread. Favorite activity? Hot pilates. Dicey scenario? Big spaghetti/garlic bread dinner, immediately followed by hot pilates.

Here are two other weirdly related facts about Katie: (1) she’s never broken a bone; and (2) she aspired to be an actress growing up. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? She’s a natural for Mrs. Dunn in the upcoming “Unbreakable” sequel (which is really happening).

Finally, she says her favorite quote is anything from Walt Disney. So, we’ll end Catie’s bio with this gem from the happiest man on earth:

Do you see the name on that parking spot? Yeah? And what does it say? Does it say Joe Blow? No. It says Walt (expletive deleted) Disney. Is your name Walt (expletive deleted) Disney? No. So go find a parking spot that says Joe Blow, and park your piece of (expletive deleted) car there. Oh and, one more thing: If you ever park in my spot again, you’ll be working the puke mop on the Matterhorn for the next 40 years. Do we understand each other? Good. Now get the (expletive deleted) out of here.

Okay, that was mean. Walt Disney would never say such a thing (and if he did, Catie would never support it). Here’s something he really did say…something we hope will inspire Catie, her two new colleagues, all ATers, and anybody else who’s still reading:

First, think. Second, believe. Third, dream. And finally, dare.

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